Lately I have been having bad dreams. I had one a few weeks ago that actually lasted all night. Every time I would close my eyes the dream would continue. It was horrible. I finally got to the point that I didn't want to go back to sleep...just knowing or imagining I might have that same dream again.
Over the past month I have been dreaming a lot about Doug leaving me or not loving me. I googled a search on dreams to see what people have written about dreams of this type. It means fear of abandonment or fear of someone not loving them. Well that struck home. I have worked through with my counselor the fear of abandonment that I grew up with. It apparently is now resurfacing in my dreams....It makes me wonder what in my life is making me go there? hmmm I'll have to think about that one you know?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Exercise and food....what a choice!
What a word...exercise....whoever came up with it must like torture. Actually I try and exercise about 4 times a week. Since November 1st of last year, when I started weight watchers, I have lost 25 pounds. Its not easy in a house where your husband likes to cook delicious and fattening meals. I wasn't complaining when I was pregnant and even for the first 8 months after my son was born. When I got tired of looking in the mirror and not seeing the body I had worked so hard to transform into back when I was 23, 24, and 25..I got started. Each day when I wake up I have to make choices.
Its such a mental game for me. There are days when I want to be lazy and not do it. It would be so easy for me to just forget the program I am on and eat what I want while laying on the couch. I often wonder what drives me. I wasn't raised like this and no one else in my family exercises like I do. I guess its when I fit into those jeans I wore 2 years before I was pregnant and when my closet looks full again because of all the clothes I can fit into. But I still don't know exactly what drives me. Believe me I am a fat girl at heart. If I could sit around and have biscuits and gravy with bacon for breakfast, a pastrami or french dip sandwich for lunch, and chicken fried steak for dinner I certainly would.
I pray and hope that my healthy habits are passed on to my son and other children we may be blessed with. I pray every day for the will power to make the right choice, say no to stuff my body doesn't need and strive for the goodness that makes me feel good.
I worked out this morning before starting work. It was a 26 minute yoga routine from the Wii Biggest Loser program. I started it after my weekly weigh in where I found out another 2 pounds is gone. I'm not sure of my drive but I love knowing I am making progress.
So tomorrow is another day I will be praying and choosing to live this way, to feel this way, to love this way. It certainly is a struggle each minute sometimes. To anyone that doesn't struggle with it..watch out because you should be shot..just kidding:) But please, keep it to yourself..for the normal people in the world, we struggle with it every day. So cheers to that lovely carrot and challenging exercise routine just waiting to be tackled!
Its such a mental game for me. There are days when I want to be lazy and not do it. It would be so easy for me to just forget the program I am on and eat what I want while laying on the couch. I often wonder what drives me. I wasn't raised like this and no one else in my family exercises like I do. I guess its when I fit into those jeans I wore 2 years before I was pregnant and when my closet looks full again because of all the clothes I can fit into. But I still don't know exactly what drives me. Believe me I am a fat girl at heart. If I could sit around and have biscuits and gravy with bacon for breakfast, a pastrami or french dip sandwich for lunch, and chicken fried steak for dinner I certainly would.
I pray and hope that my healthy habits are passed on to my son and other children we may be blessed with. I pray every day for the will power to make the right choice, say no to stuff my body doesn't need and strive for the goodness that makes me feel good.
I worked out this morning before starting work. It was a 26 minute yoga routine from the Wii Biggest Loser program. I started it after my weekly weigh in where I found out another 2 pounds is gone. I'm not sure of my drive but I love knowing I am making progress.
So tomorrow is another day I will be praying and choosing to live this way, to feel this way, to love this way. It certainly is a struggle each minute sometimes. To anyone that doesn't struggle with it..watch out because you should be shot..just kidding:) But please, keep it to yourself..for the normal people in the world, we struggle with it every day. So cheers to that lovely carrot and challenging exercise routine just waiting to be tackled!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The power of a praying wife....
My husband has been home with Silas and I for the last 10 months. There are great things about this and some not so great things. During this time the relationship that he has with his son is something I think is priceless. Silas knows his daddy, loves to cuddle and play with him. Before Doug was home, he did love Silas but now he has such a love for him...its indescribable.
Some friends of mine at work get together every two weeks to talk, pray, and share our lives. One of them posts a daily reading from the book 'The Power of a Praying Wife'. I am often taken back by the chord these readings touch in me. It is often on those difficult days when I sort of wish Doug was at a job somewhere. I am quickly reminded the Lord is continually doing work in both of us and to get on my knees and pray for my husband. Here is one that really hit home for me.
Lord, I pray that in the midst of trials my husband will look to you to be his refuge “until these calamities have passed by” (Psalm 57:1). May he learn to wait on You because “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). I pray that he will find his strength in You and as he cries out to You, You will hear him and save him out of all his troubles (Psalm 34:6). Teach him to cast his burdens on You and let You sustain him through everything that is happening in his life.
As for me, I will call upon God, and the Lord shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me. Psalm 55:16-18
Some friends of mine at work get together every two weeks to talk, pray, and share our lives. One of them posts a daily reading from the book 'The Power of a Praying Wife'. I am often taken back by the chord these readings touch in me. It is often on those difficult days when I sort of wish Doug was at a job somewhere. I am quickly reminded the Lord is continually doing work in both of us and to get on my knees and pray for my husband. Here is one that really hit home for me.
Lord, I pray that in the midst of trials my husband will look to you to be his refuge “until these calamities have passed by” (Psalm 57:1). May he learn to wait on You because “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). I pray that he will find his strength in You and as he cries out to You, You will hear him and save him out of all his troubles (Psalm 34:6). Teach him to cast his burdens on You and let You sustain him through everything that is happening in his life.
As for me, I will call upon God, and the Lord shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me. Psalm 55:16-18
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