I dont want to grow up, Im a toys r us kid...

Don't we wish we could sometimes return to those days of playing endlessly in a pool, outside with friends with no worries other than what we were going to get for dinner that night? I remember being younger and longing to be older.
Lately I have been struggling with some strong emotions and difficult circumstances. I have come to the conclusion that being an 'adult' sure is hard work. No one tells you this when you turn 18, go to college, get married, have a baby...well actually people tell you this all the time but I sure didn't listen. I always wanted more or to be at that different stage...that next milestone.
So here I am and its tough. I love my life and know things could be a lot worse..who are we kidding, Ive been through a lot worse than were I am at right now.
It still gets overwhelming...this morning I hit my knees and prayed the Lord would take it all, take my stress, take my overall strive for control because I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't think I could take on any more stress or issues or changes..and he'll have to do it. That was a few hours ago and I am feeling a little better. Even though there still seems to be a tremendous freight train parked on my chest, I am breathing a little easier right now and still continuing to give the control to HIM.
I just had to write that...had to get it out..and sing to myself...I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys r us kid...while continuing to pray and give God the power, the glory and the control I selfishly try to give to myself...

Leaving Silas and the joyous reunion..

Doug and I began planning a 'weekend away' about 3 months ago. It took me this long to build up the courage to leave Silas... About 2 weeks ago I began to get nervous about the whole thing. This would be the first time we were to leave Silas and it was going to be for at least 3 days! Doug was so excited about it, he could hardly sleep the night before. I was so anxious about it I made lists for the grandparents a week before we left. These weren't just your normal lists..they contained everything I would be bringing for him, his food preferences, schedule, favorite toys, and so much more. I made the medical contact sheet for Doug and I to sign and planned for the worst.
So the day came...Friday. We weren't leaving early so we took the whole day to hang out and get ready. I felt like the anticipation was going to kill me. I just wanted to pull the band-aid off and go. We drove to grandma's house and unpacked everything. Then Doug said 'let's go' and I broke out into tears. Nana held my son, my precious joy on the lawn as we backed out of the driveway and I cried. He began waving bye-bye with a curious look on his face, and I cried....then we turned the corner and he was gone from my site....I had to let go. I had to turn over full control to someone else other than Doug and trust them with my son for days.
We stopped at a gas station and I was a mess. I was exhausted and tired and wanted to talk to my mom. I started thinking who was the actual baby?..pretty funny right?
That night I went to bed anxious about how Silas would sleep and the next morning I called as soon as I could to hear all about his actions and to get a 'play by play'. Nana let me know he slept till almost 8 and was 'as happy as a clam'.

I then began to relax and then relaxed some more. Doug and I had great conversations, took walks, did nothing, swam in the river, did nothing, went to nap, went to eat, and went to bed....NEVER HAVING TO change a diaper, run after a bouncing boy, reprimand behavior, wake up to get him out of bed in the morning for 3 full days.

We returned home and he was very glad to see us. All the while the grandparents had a blast and he was so very happy the entire time. It was a great trip for Doug and I and Silas had a blast while we were gone. This was good for us..not necessarily easy but good...

Now Doug is planning our next time away....I need a little time before we do this again but I recommend it to all young parents. It was great!